I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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