i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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