Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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