I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize