My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize