Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
