ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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