Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
