i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
