she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As shirtless as possible
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
