remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
