I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
