If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
