just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
