There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
