Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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