Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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