the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize