you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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