ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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