sarcasm needs its own font
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
