Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
