thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
