She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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