You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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