...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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