I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Still dying that you shit outside
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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