I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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