You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
