I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
