Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
