Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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