Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
