we have officially lost it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
