...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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