I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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