apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
