Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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