Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
