Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
