Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
