i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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