Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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