She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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