elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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