Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
