I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
