I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
