it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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