The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
