I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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