Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
