Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
