After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We have started to decorate penises.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
