question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
