dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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