my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
