And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
