Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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