why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
