Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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