Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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