i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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