I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
