She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
