Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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