im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
