I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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