dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
